Hi everyone, my names Emilia. I’m 15, 5’2” and i used to weigh 157lbs i currently weight 143, but it varies for me. I’m very athletic, but tend to eat a lot. I’ve been swimming for 8 years now and i’m going for my 9th year. I swim for a high school team, but sadly that season ended months ago, and i didn’t sign up for a swimming association in time. Recently i’ve been having breathing problems, and chest pains, i’m going to get tested for that soon, so i can’t do much physical work. I used to have an on and off eating disorder, i tend to starve myself at times to help me loose weight, but i always end up binging. This time i want to keep my goal and i want to loose the weight the natural way. My goal is to weight 110 or even less. I suck in my weight so that no one sees my actual body fat, but i’m tired of sucking in my weight, i wanna feel pretty and skinny. I want to actually be able to wear a bikini without feeling insecure, i want to wear clothes and not have to worry if i look fat in them or not. I want to stop feeling fat, that’s why i’m done with the way i feel and i’m doing something about it.
Why i’m fat
i was a skinny kid growing up, i was always up and doing stuff, but my parents decided to move when i was in the 4th grade, it brought a great deal of stress to me. When i moved into my new house i didn’t know anyone, so i couldn’t go out to play, i felt like i was isolated from the world, i didn’t even have contact with my old friends. My new best friend soon became food. I gained a huge amount of weight, i noticed i was getting fat, but didn’t do anything about it. I would hide my weight by sucking in my stomach, at first it was hard, but when you do it everyday it’s natural. I soon gained friends, but with friends comes drama. The drama would make me depressed. I used to come home crying cuz of all the drama. I also came crying home because my parents moved us to a town that was full of snotty rich kids. I felt so out of it. Middle school started and 6th grade was a great year for me i made a ton of friends, and felt like i was fitting in, but once 7th grade hit things took a turn for the worse. i made a few mistakes and people began hating me. i also developed bad acne and was soon made fun of for it. my self-esteem went down, and i became even more depressed. I would come home and sit in my closet and just cry. People used to tell me that, “she’s ugly as fuck” and “she’ll never find a boyfriend” i believed them and their words pop into my head everyday. I wanted to run away, or just die, but i didn’t have the guts to, i didn’t even have the guts to cut. My mother was also the main reason why i was gaining weight. She made me hate myself, because she would call me a fatass and make fun of me all the time. I love my mom, but her words hurt me the most, because she’s someone i look up to. During middle school i soon began starving myself on and off, in 9th grade i was told i had anemia which caused me to be dizzy, have low iron levels, etc. i got a boyfriend in the summer of 2011 and we dated for three months, i was afraid to go out with him because i was so insecure and i didn’t know what he thought of me. He was also skinnier than me and i didn’t know why he was so into me. So i ended it because i was scared. Plus the words from the kids in middle school would just come into my head. the break-up really hurt him, but it also hurt me. I tried getting back with him two months later, but it was too late, he had feelings for another girl. That killed me i had a broken heart and didn’t eat for days my other friend that i loved also broke my heart and it affected me pretty badly. whenever their names pop into my head i die. I’m still suffering from the heartbreak. But i also want to loose weight so that it can keep my mind off of them, and give me a goal to achieve and this goal can easily change my life in so many ways. I’m willing to fight for my weight these next coming months and every month i will post a new picture to show what i’ve accomplished. i would love it if you guys stuck with me, motivating me. Giving me tips on how to stay strong and lose the weight. I love the people that follow me, because they motivate me more and more everyday. Everytime i get a new follower it makes me want to loose every pound just so that i can influence them in a way. Thank you everyone and please stick with me for these upcoming months. i want to achieve my New Years Resolution (:
♥ Emi
